The white lie that landed me a job at MTV

MTV comes back from the dead, The Prodigy demands rent, and Iggy Pop smashes up Camden.

Who wants the rewind?

My life is a fever dream of ricocheting clusterf*cks. Memories come in fits and, sometimes, literal spurts. This week’s flashback comes courtesy of 35,000 music videos.

A quick link share from me today, as I’m in bed with the flu you all heroically powered through over Christmas.

A crafty coder has recreated MTV (back when it was good) and turned it into a website streaming music videos, 24/7, across seven decades. No algorithm. No login. You just drop in and see what comes on next, like we used to in its glory days. There’s even an addictive shuffle button.

Instead of ads, it randomly drops vintage commercials. Blockbuster, Mentos, the full neon-soaked dream. It’s deeply unserious and oddly soothing. Let it play and fall headfirst into a music-nostalgia rabbit hole.

Check it out » MTV Rewind

Thanks to former-MTV director Brian Hayes for spotting this

Before you click on a specific decade, you’re served a snippet of George Carlin’s 2006 HBO special, Life Is Worth Losing. Specifically, a rant about dumb Americans.

“Americans will probably remain wilfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick that’s being jammed up their assholes every day. Because the owners of this country know the truth. It’s called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.”

Projects like this remind us of the epic impact of a network that once dictated the musical imagination of millions. A network that I was a part of for years.

The first time I clicked shuffle this morning, I was served The Prodigy’s ‘Smack My Bitch Up’. A strange full-circle offering.

Back in 1997 I phoned MTV – yes, you could do that – to ask what time they would be playing the uncensored version. I stayed up all night to record it on VHS and later analysed every frame for my university dissertation:

How Form and Content Combine to Give Meaning in The Prodigy’s ‘Smack My Bitch Up’

I know, I know. Sounds like a degree in BS, right? I ended up with a 2:1 BA (Hons) in English Literature and Broadcasting from Leeds University. Could’ve got a first if I hadn’t chosen that topic. Or driven off a cliff naked when high.

One of nine car accidents that year. I don’t drive anymore.

Back then, I didn’t know that I’d end up working for MTV and later travelling across Australia with The Prodigy’s Leeroy, who would rename me “Roger the Lodger” for not “paying my rent”. Translation: screwing any of the bands on the Big Day Out tour.

This got me thinking about the first time I entered MTV Studios. It was 1996 when I got stopped on the streets of Camden and asked to join the small audience for a live music show called Hanging Out. My lust for life officially kicked off when Iggy Pop smashed a speaker inches from my face.

Today, I found the session online for the first time. It’s an awkward – yet perfect – watch. A hammy script. A bored Iggy. And a clearly very excited 19-year-old Goldapple, staring straight into the camera through the presenters.

Proof I’ve always worn black | MTV Hanging Out Sessions, London, 1996

Three years later, in 1999, I found myself back in Hawley Crescent, bending the truth in an interview for a six-month internship at MTV Live Europe.

“Every year we produce a big festival with Underworld in a quarry in Ibiza,” the exec said, casually.

“I speak fluent Spanish.”

A white lie. I was obviously born slippy. (Sorry.)

Cut to: a disused stone quarry outside San Antonio. I’m off my tits, confusing Spanish footballers and DJs with my tragic Spanglish.

Not my last disciplinary at MTV, but apparently HR’s favourite. I went on to work at MTV – Oxford Street, Camden, then a stint in Buenos Aires – as a scriptwriter and producer for around 15 years.

My lingerie-at-work phase in the “naughties”

Twelve years ago, I repeated the same lie in another job interview. This time with VICE Spain. I got the job. They never thought to interview me IN SPANISH.

I gave away everything I owned in London (which wasn't much) to move to Barcelona. My first day: a conference call with the team in Madrid about rogue priests. I think. I lasted a month.

I still live in Barcelona and still wouldn’t (or shouldn’t) say I’m fluent in Spanish. MTV is dead. So is VICE LATAM.

But I’m not. Goldapple Unplugged is my attempt to capture the weird, the wild, and the wrecked memories before my brain deletes them.

Anyway. Press shuffle. Pick a decade. Fall down the rabbit hole. And more on what really went down on that Big Day Out tour soon.

» Here’s that link again. Lmk what video you get first.

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